Walking While Texting (WWT)

Everyone talks about the dangers of texting while driving, but nobody ever discusses the dangers of texting while walking. Did you know more than 35% of people will run into a pole at least once in their lifetime? If you think I’m lying I can officially say it happened to me. There I was walking on a sunny day in Philadelphia and BAM!  SMACK DAD! I ran into a pole. This was a day where I can officially say that I was conscious of being fat. I mean I never had a concussion before, but the way my fat vibrated, I think I gave myself a concussion. And the messed-up part is nobody helped! One lady walked right by and acted like she didn’t even see the shit.

The other lady God-bless her soul, was pressing her life alert button. It looked like something out of the Titanic, everything had scattered across the sidewalk. I had to get up and clean up. At this point I was a wide and low speed bump. People were walking over me like a jacked-up pothole. In hindsight, I always wanted a tummy tuck. But, when you are black person lying on the street, people don’t know whether you are black ice or a monument that got hit by a white supremacist. So, rolling my fat forward, and mooning others so as to ward off any oncoming traffic, I got up. I picked up my things, and…

“Did anyone call for a tow truck?” A man asked.