Juror Questionnaire

To those of you who follow me on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/ecwrytes/), you would know I had the pleasure of being an eligible juror. I only made it to the questionnaire, before being dismissed. So, I took it upon myself to perform a cross-examination.

Please print your name: I wonder if I put the wrong name down and the right participant number, if they would know it was me?

Section of city: Didn’t y’all summon me?

Marital status: What the hell they got to do with it?

Occupation: I’m going to write about this

Other occupation within last 10 years: Employer Listing: Must have bachelor’s degree and at least 10 years’ experience.

Occupation of spouse: None of your business!

Other occupations within past 10 years: we were married at first sight.

No. Of children: To be con…

Level of education: 16?

Race: ancestry.com

  1. Have you ever been a juror before?

No, but after watching O.J. Simpson, my verdict is guilty, guilty, guilty.

2. Do you have any religious, moral, or ethical beliefs that would prevent you from sitting in judgement in a criminal case and rendering a fair verdict?

No, but John 3:1-36, says repent of your sins and you shall be born again. Where’s the defendant’s mother?

3. Do you have any physical or psychological disability that might interfere with or prevent you from serving as a juror? Yes.

Being elderly: Chile’ I just hit 25.

Breastfeeding: My bra needs constant contact or else they’ll Get Out.

Too opinionated: Back in March 29th, 2019, Brooke Johns let her toddle face charges of indecent exposure. I thought, my goodness, where is this officer’s mother, who is full of memories?

Do you remember when that federal officer got shot by the state trooper? Now, back in my day, that’s what we called Russian Roulette. Yeah baby! “I’ve played a Juliet for a Romeo”- Criss Jami.

And when that ugh Las Vegas police officer shot that suspect 19 times and then applied a tourniquet to stop the bleeding, I said to myself, “look at God”.

4. Have you or anyone close to you been a victim of a crime?

Yes. Back in 2003, in 3rd grade, this heifer accused me of pinching her. We called her The Shitter. Yup, yes, let that sink in! For 180 days of the school year, this big, white, red lobster bitch would shit on herself in the middle of class, EVERY SINGLE DAY!  The only reason I’m recalling this is because there aren’t too many people, I know who can shit and walk at the same time. I just recently took a trip to Lancaster, PA for a buggy ride… Anyhow, she didn’t talk either, so it was the other kids who accused me of pinching her! They knew damn well that was a lie! First of all, I wasn’t even sitting next to her! Second of all, I knew this bitch was taking a shit, because her ass would always get this glazed glassy look in her eye, like a Picasso.

Pablo Picasso

Then, a minute later, you would smell the leftovers from supersize me. The following procedure was to let the teacher know she had shitted on herself. But, last of all, her ass would turn red from blushing, ahem, pushing! And that was their quote on quote evidence, was that she was red. That bitch stayed on rojo! What I experienced that day was perjury and false allegations! To this day I still experience Post Traumatic Shit Disorder (PTSD).

5. Have you or anyone close to you been charged with or arrested for a crime, other than a traffic violation?

Nope. I just make sure to extend my toenails for a year, for sleepovers.

6. Have you or anyone close to you ever been an eyewitness to a crime, whether or not it ever came to court?

 Yes. In 2016, back in the college campus food court my friend asked me if she could have a refill. I said for a $4.95 fountain drink, you ought a be able to get 5 fountain drink refills. This ain’t nothing, but lil college lies. In the hood you can get five bottled sodas, each $1 apart.

7. Have you or anyone close to you, ever worked as a police officer or in other law enforcement jobs? This includes prosecutors, public defenders, private criminal defense lawyers, detectives, and security or correctional officers?

Yes. Have you ever been cheated on? Have you ever been a female and been cheated on before? I asked this man, “where have you been?” He replied, “to work.” I said, work last from 9am to 5pm, it takes you 30 minutes to get from point A to B, and now its 5:31pm. I asked again, “so, where have you been?”  He said, “Hanging with my friends.” I said, “Meshack gets off at…”

8. Would you be more likely to believe the testimony of a police officer or any other law enforcement officer just because of his/her job?

Hell no! The law doesn’t even know the law!

9. Would you be less likely to believe the testimony of a police officer or other law enforcement officer just because of his/her job?

Is s/he white or black?

10. Would you have any problems following the court’s instruction that the defendant in a criminal case is presumed innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt?

No.

11. Would you have any problem following the court’s instruction that the defendant in a criminal case does not have to take the stand or present evidence, and it cannot be held against the defendant if he or she elects to remain silent?

Bill Cosby

12. Would you have any problem following the court’s instruction in a criminal case that just because someone is arrested, it does not mean that the person is guilty of anything?

The police may arrest you if they witness you breaking the law, have probable cause to believe you have committed a crime, or have an arrest warrant, signed by a judge, for your arrest.

If you commit an act of nonviolent civil disobedience, then you have broken the law – most likely in front of police officers – and therefore they may arrest you because they witnessed it.

Rights and Tips for Interacting With Law Enforcement

13. In general, would you have any problem following and applying the judge’s instruction on the law?

No

14. Would you have any problem during jury deliberations in a criminal case discussing the case fully, but still making up your own mind?

15. Are you presently taking any medication that might interfere with or prevent you from serving as a juror?

16. Is there any other reason you could not be a fair or impartial juror in a criminal case?

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