My Fight With A Mango

This alkalic recipe called for papaya, mango, and raspberries, and a blender. There I was on a Saturday morning excited to get healthy. I had extracted my items and started shaving and cutting the papaya. Then, I pondered the outside appearance between papaya and mango. When I came to the 50/50 conclusion that they differed, by the slight peak at the end of the papaya, I was rest assured that my guesstimate would be confirmed by the knife. The papaya had the nerve to start busting a nut all over my counter! But he didn’t know I eat seed too! So, I popped them suckers right into the blender. Next, came the mango. OMG. Ms. Thang would not budge! After trying to pry it open with the knife, I gave up, and put her behind in the blender with papaya. Last, but not least, I added the raspberries. I turned on the blender excited for my juice. Let me tell you, homeboy was struggling! Ok. I’m standing there watching Blender tear P&R up! The juice was starting to get this black and red appearance. I’m thinking, mmm mmm mmm it looks like yeah! But then, I looked closer and Ms. Thang was spinning like hey. She was perched all on top of Mr. Blender’s blade, throwing shade. So, I started questioning Blender.

Yo homes, you good? I asked hands on my hips.

Yeah, ahh… this fool tried to sling Mango.

You need help?

He like, naw I’m good.

 Shawty was still perched like and what? So, I made an executive decision to rip her into shape. I hoped B was able to get some of her open, cause shawty was tweakin earlier. I opened the blender and I take Mango out and laid her on the board. She had just enough open that I could maneuver my way in. She hit me with this…

I don’t peel on the first date

I said, Mango, first off, I’m trying to get to peel you, so that I can get to meat you better. And ain’t no dates here, it’s just me and you.” She laid there for a minute thinking.

 Then, she asked, what do you want with me?

I replied; my intention is to get you into my intestine. Dang! I mean… I heard you give good A and C, and I’m just trying to get a piece. You feel me? Mango looked at me for a minute and then she said, aight.

I’m like, word. So, I started peeling her back, feeling for that meat, until I got to her core. I put her back in the blender and this Blender…started busting left and right! He acted like he ain’t neva had the juice before! I’m talking like homeboy had the leak, but I knew he had the cap on tight! So, again I started questioning him.

Are you good B?

He like, yeah. At this point, I said to myself, that B was just gon’ have to put in the work! But homeboy started tipping at one point, so I said…

Tag me in

He like, ahh ahh… alright. I started holding him down, while shawty was still trying to give my man’s problems. When he finished, I finally tasted the juice, and I was like ok. It was delicious and it had that kick to it!

I tore that thing, up didn’t I? B asked. This man looked like he had drowned in the PMR.

I replied, Sho’ ‘nough. Shawty got that wet wet!

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